What a question! There are so many ways people learn about sex and this can impact their sexual experiences later on. Let’s explore where we begin with sex!
1. 𝘍𝘈𝘔𝘐𝘓𝘠. Often times clients reflect back on the messages they received growing up from their parents, grandparents, or siblings about sex. Maybe they were sat down to be given some kind of formal sex talk or maybe it was random comments that they picked up along the way. Sometimes the things that have been taught to us from family about sex can be confusing or uncomfortable if they don’t match up with our belief systems or experiences later on.
2. 𝘙𝘌𝘓𝘐𝘎𝘐𝘖𝘕. This can be a sensitive area to explore when it comes to things we learned about sex. Rarely is pleasure or different kinds of sex talked about and this can bring on emotions like shame or embarrassment when we are trying to navigate sex later on in relationships.
3. 𝘚𝘌𝘟 𝘌𝘋 𝘐𝘕 𝘚𝘊𝘏𝘖𝘖𝘓. When I talk about this with clients I have to laugh because I don’t really remember my own experience with sex ed! For the most part, what clients share is learning about reproduction, abstinence, STI’s, safety, and contraception. Again, not much focus on experiencing pleasure.
4. 𝘍𝘙𝘐𝘌𝘕𝘋𝘚. This is one of the most common ways I hear people learned about sex. Whether it was from conversations they had about things they learned from others or sharing experiences with each other, many people learned about sex through their friends.
5. 𝘗𝘖𝘙𝘕. This one is tricky. It comes up more often than I would hope. Porn often presents a very unrealistic depiction of sex, of bodies, of pleasure, of what to expect, the list goes on and on. It’s also a tricky area because there are positives to using porn, but when it becomes the way in which someone learns about sex, it can set someone up for very disappointing experiences in real life.
6. 𝘛𝘝 𝘖𝘙 𝘔𝘖𝘝𝘐𝘌𝘚. This is also a pretty common place where people first see and learn about sex. I think many of us remember a sex scene popping up while watching a movie with our parents and feeling instantly embarrassed!
7. 𝘉𝘖𝘖𝘒𝘚 𝘖𝘙 𝘔𝘈𝘎𝘈𝘡𝘐𝘕𝘌𝘚. This resonates with me because I definitely remember reading about sex in these cheesy romance novels that were at this cottage my family rented when I was a kid. I also remember reading about sex in Cosmopolitan magazines when I was a teen.
So where did you learn about sex? What are messages that still stick out to you? What are your current beliefs about sex? Do these beliefs fit you or have they shifted over time? What about sex did you learn that might be holding you back in your current sexual relationships?
Sessions with Linz 